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an lettter off compaint!!!

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Breezy

Eee.
  • 454
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Welcome to a lettter off compaint! ^_^

    This ficcy addresses both the wonderful life of a badfic to the reviews from said badfic all the way to the parody of the badfic that I've been ranting on for the last five seconds of your life.::smiles sheepishly::

    So using my own knowledge of "n00b" fics and their reviewers and things like that and came up with this . . . letter of complaint. *shrugs* I think it really gets funny once the reviewers come into play. ^_^

    This was not intended to make fun of one single individual nor any who have forgotten the true meaning of being a "n00b" not the "n00b" itself and I just keep repeating myself and I'm gonna go so you can read

    Enjoy!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dear sirs/madams/people who think their all that,

    Its has come to are atteention that us......new writers I guess r being made fun of by you so-called.......... other people. Thats not very nice. not very nice at all. So we the new writers would like to adress a few things that your so-called reviewers like to "critcize" at us..

    Forestarters, a good chunk of us are only 13!!!!!!!. I mean how many 13 year old authors do you find selling books in them book shops lately?!?!?!?!?!?!. That's write. None!!!!!!!!. So stop saying that age doesn't matter because it does.

    Stupid..................however old you guys are.

    Another thing that weve been told a lot is r description on characters. For a matter of fact, I like to talk to myself. Another thing is that as long as you know what there waring, then its all good right? I mean, its obvious
    that our characters have hair and eyes right? I mean, you guys think stupid if you don't know that!!!!.

    Stupid just like you're age. ^_________________^

    We also think that as long as you know WEAR our character is going then their's not much need for us to explain what they see when getting they're! One of you said don't overdescribe things and we're just fallowing instructions after all!!!!!1! Sheesh, and then
    u complain to us that we don't listen to you. Well how can we listen to you when your all away
    across the ocean or inside a....... something that you can't hear through................. a toilet, yeah!!!! how can we hear you if your inside a toilet?!?!?!

    Man, that's gotta hurt. But of course, ur stupid.

    Besides, I can see my fic purfectly (LOLZERS!!!!. Purfectly like a Meowth!!!!! XDDD) inside my head!!!! Why can't you
    guys? Ur fanfic writers, use you're imagination!!!!.
    And whats wrong wit having perfact charecters at teh start?!?!??!?! That's a new thing, not alot of writer's use fir a plot plot that u people state that WE need work on

    Wat else is there?????. Oh yeah, HOW COME I ACN'T HAVE ASH N MISTY FALL IN LUVVVVV IN TEH BEGGINING!!! Because ppl fall in luv write?!?!?!?!? THEY DO RIGHT?!?!?!?!? HEY! ANSWERING ALREADY! They are so meant for eachother!!!!! Support the shipping., SUPPOR IT!

    ANd i like tress. ^_^ I know. You should to. they help you breath.. thats why i like namin my proffessors htem.

    But in order to proof you wrong, I'll show u a sneek peak of my new REVISVED version!

    Jessica sycamore woke up with the sun shining. she yawned a wide yawn and jumped outta bed and with the turn of her head she saw er alarm clock and sh screamed shrilly as she rushe out of hr room. She tripped and fallen on her face. "Ouch!" she said as she pushed herself up off teh flore, "I'm going to be late!" IN a
    rush, she exited her house with out a backwards glance at her famiy. "I made it!" screamed the girl her face happy as she bounced into the classroom happily. 2 others a boy and
    a girl, were already there in teh labratory. "What?!?!?!" She screamed, frustrated. "why r yu guys hear firset?!?!?!?" "you were late!" the other girl scraemed!!!! "thats right!!!" said the boy!!!! "NO FAIR!". SHOUTed jessica.."i got a celebi"! said the boy. "n i got a jirachi! there mucho better then celebi and mew!!!!"
    "speaking of which," said teh prof. sycamore, "here jessica,' "OMG!!!!!! it's a mew!"


    Ooh, better stop there cuz you know two much already. This fic will pwn!!!! But no, You guys are so mean to us when u review!!!!! Waaaaa!! You scare the children at night?

    :mew: mews are t3h kyutties of the world!!!!!!

    ANd then we c . . . this so-called parody on us? Whats that about? We try are hardest and u laugh in r face! that's not nice either! Go flush yourself down the toilet and stay there!

    So just in case you do get this because ur stupidity kinda stupifies ur brain, this is r lettter off compaint

    Thnx four you're time.

    Signed,

    - The "n00b" writers

    :12: <----- that's a spinda. he likes to stare at you n tri 2 freek u out cuz u review to meanly. meanies.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    *confuzzled look* Yeah . . . Close if necessary mods. =3

    LaTeR dAyZ!
     
    Last edited:

    Avegaille

    Misaka Mikoto > you.
  • 1,331
    Posts
    19
    Years
    ^Weird..... is this suppose to be an fanfic? o_O;;;

    --------

    Well, anyway, I think everyone should read it at least, so that they'll know what is to be done in a Pokemon fan fic! I hope you add more info! XDD

    ------'

    For now, bye!
     
  • 395
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Yay, you posted it here!!!!!!!!!! :D

    Yep, it's a fic, and chapter 3 = *fall out of chair from insane laughter.*

    So the spinda stares at people now instead of dancing X3 Heh, I haven't seen much smilie use here so that part's not as funny as on SPPF.

    ~Chibi~

    PS: #3 rules!!! X3
     

    Breezy

    Eee.
  • 454
    Posts
    19
    Years
    ^Weird..... is this suppose to be an fanfic? o_O;;;

    --------

    Well, anyway, I think everyone should read it at least, so that they'll know what is to be done in a Pokemon fan fic! I hope you add more info! XDD

    ------'

    For now, bye!
    Yep, and I'm proud of it too lol. XP Thanks for reviewing bunny!

    You know what sucks though Chibi? In order to get the n00b feel, I wrote chapter three on the Quick Reply box and stupid me forgot to save it on a Word Processor and then, the next day, SPPf goes down. :dead: And when SPPf gets back up, the only threads left will be those PAST Saturday and I posted chapter 3 on Sunday! I'm so mad at my stupidity! ><

    Ah well, I least I know the concept idea of chapter three. Maybe it'll be funnier. *shrugs* And I'll keep reviewer # 10 IC and replace him/her with another reviewer lol.

    Yay for #3! He rules! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing again Chibi! :)

    I'm frightened by your immaculate portrayal of t3h n00bs. o__o; I have actually seen people in full seriousness state the contents of your letter-fic.

    ... *hides and whimpers, holding her legs and rocking back and forth* No..........
    I've been told that actual authors that write like this wrote worse if that's hard to believe. o.0

    The fact that I can write like a n00b scares me too. :P Thanks for reviewing Rebecca!

    Chapter 2 will be posted as soon as spp is back up since I didn't save that chapter either. --; I've really got to plan ahead sometimes.

    LaTeR dAyZ!
     
    Last edited:

    Flatulus

    God of Wind
  • 82
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Age 36
    • Seen Nov 17, 2005
    To be honest this is one of the funniest things I've seen, it seems realistic enough and shows how stupid people can be. Of course I could sit here all day pointing out the spelling and grammar mistakes to complain about just to annoy you by proving I don't have a clue why you did this... Too bad I have a perfect picture in my mind of what you mean so it just wouldn't have the same emotion behind it if I did...

    I must say, for me, this was both comforting and hurtful. Even though it's great to be reminded of the n00bs who are hiding around somewhere wasting forum space and how superior we all are to them, it?s just a bit painful that that some people can do better nasty responses to bad honest reviews than me but that?s not your problem. The most horrible thing is that this has already had more reviews here in less than two days than my fic has gotten in the weeks it has been up, that is also not your problem but I had to say it.

    ? did someone in this thread imply that you?ve written things like this before or was I just imagining it? If so I can?t wait for the next one as I would never of believed even a great writer reviewer like yourself could write anything so funny, of course I can never write comedy at all?
     

    Breezy

    Eee.
  • 454
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Flatulus said:
    To be honest this is one of the funniest things I've seen, it seems realistic enough and shows how stupid people can be. Of course I could sit here all day pointing out the spelling and grammar mistakes to complain about just to annoy you by proving I don't have a clue why you did this... Too bad I have a perfect picture in my mind of what you mean so it just wouldn't have the same emotion behind it if I did...
    This fic was mainly written to "parodize" n00b writers on SPPf (very rarely do you find a horrendous fic here). And you can point out all the errors if ya want, though me and Burnt Flower at SPPf realized we'd prolly die if we tried. =3
    Flatulus said:
    I must say, for me, this was both comforting and hurtful. Even though it's great to be reminded of the n00bs who are hiding around somewhere wasting forum space and how superior we all are to them, it?s just a bit painful that that some people can do better nasty responses to bad honest reviews than me but that?s not your problem.
    You mean people retaliating back to honest reviews? Usually, people don't fight back honest reviews for they're being truthful but, of course, if the honest reviewer is wrong about something . . .

    Flatulus said:
    The most horrible thing is that this has already had more reviews here in less than two days than my fic has gotten in the weeks it has been up, that is also not your problem but I had to say it.
    n00b titles always get readers attention but it's not proper if you put a n00b title on a well-written fic.

    For others, they already read this at SPPf and just wanted to review again. :P
    Flatulus said:
    ? did someone in this thread imply that you?ve written things like this before or was I just imagining it? If so I can?t wait for the next one as I would never of believed even a great writer reviewer like yourself could write anything so funny, of course I can never write comedy at all?
    She meant that I posted this at other places lol. Chapter 2 should be up as soon as SPPf is up since I didn't save it on Wordpad (I know, bad writer *slaps herself*). And what's that suppose to mean lol? Honest reviewers can't be funny and must always be serious and scare the crap outta people? Not for me it's not! ^_^

    Thanks for reviewing!

    LaTeR dAyZ!
     
  • 1,568
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Oh man!that was so funny!I almost made my Mom and Dad come up here with all my laughing.reminds me of when I was a n00b.I can't wait until next time!
     

    lilbluecorsola

    ~¤Sea Priestess¤~
  • 140
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Ee hee hee.

    Like at SPPf, I liked this fic, because it reminded my about the n00bs. (^.^) I also liked Chapter Two, with the reviewers. XD

    Hm, I never read Chapter 3 though... o.O;
     

    Breezy

    Eee.
  • 454
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Chapter three got deleted since the green forum crashed! >< Ah well, I least I know what I wrote about in that fic lol.

    Anyways though, chapter 2 has to do with the reviewers of said badfic. ::grins evilly::

    Maybe you're one of these reviewers. =P

    BTW, the username of this author is ?Boon? so I don?t have to refer to the author as the author lol.

    Beware of reviewer # 2 btw.

    ------------------------------------------------

    Reviewer # 1:
    Trainer

    To disgruntled "n00b" writer,

    It has come to my concern that you, the newbie writers, are disheartened by the sudden barrage of parodies that poke fun at your fic. We do need mean any harm and we do not mean to offend you in any way. The parody was mainly a teaching aid for new writers (in my case anyways) on how NOT to write. My intentions were not meant to hurt you in any way and I deeply apologize if my parody caused you misery or anguish in any sort.

    Do take the time to crack open a dictionary though for your spelling and grammar is horrendous. A proofreader (or even the simplicity of a word processor's spell checker and grammar checker) would do wonders for your fanfiction. For example (I took a part of your ?sneak peek? if you don?t mind):

    Jessica Sycamore woke up with the sun shining through her white satin curtains that hung from her open window. She yawned widely and jumped out of her bed, head turning slightly so she could take a quick glance at her alarm clock. With her heart racing, the girl screamed shrilly in fright as she dashed toward the bathroom to get ready for the upcoming day. "No! I'm going to be late!"

    Of course you might want to add more detail than what I just typed but you get understand what I mean right?

    Another thing I would like to comment on is your characters. Now Jessica so far sounds like a major Mary-Sue only two paragraphs in with the fact that she has a Mew on her team. Eh . . . The fact that her mother (THE professor I might add) would give her such a Pok?mon doesn?t really help lessen the perfection of your character. Mew, Jirachi, and Celebi are rare Pok?mon (unlike the average Rattata or Wingull) - legendaries really - which appear at rare times (Jirachi once a millennium and etcetera) so it?s got to be pretty coincidental that all those Pok?mon appeared at the same time got captured as well.

    Your plot is rather bland as well. The average trainer fic in my eyes that has the predictable rising action, climax, and resolution. While it?s alright to have your background plot as a trainer fic, try and build your ideas on top of that so it gives your fic a twist. ;)

    Good luck boon.

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Oh . . . dang. You n00bs bug me to no end with your annoying whine and plea of attention. Can?t you all just die and crawl under a rock (perhaps go in the toilet that you love mentioning?)! Sheesh . . .

    boon said:
    Forestarters, a good chunk of us are only 10!!!!!!!. I mean how many 10 year old authors do you find selling books in them book shops lately?!?!?!?!?!?!. That's write. None!!!!!!!!. So stop saying that age doesn't matter because it does.
    ?Forestarters,? I know eleven year olds that write better than your crap and by looking at your profile, you turn eleven in a few more days. There is no excuse in writing terribly shitty like you do.
    boon said:
    Stupid..................however old you guys are.
    How ironic. *rolls eyes*
    boon said:
    Another thing that weve been told a lot is r description on characters. For a matter of fact, I like to talk to myself. Another thing is that as long as you know what there waring, then its all good right? I mean, its obvious
    that our characters have hair and eyes right? I mean, you guys think stupid if you don't know that!!!!.
    Obviously you must review yourself too if you think this piece of crap is any good.

    My cousin doesn't have eyes or hair so technically, not ALL characters have normal attributes. Thanks for reminding me of my poor cousin you a-hole!

    Though it makes me wonder how she's alive too . . . Meh.

    boon said:
    Besides, I can see my fic purfectly (LOLZERS!!!!. Purfectly like a Meowth!!!!!!!!!! XDDD) inside my head!!!! Why can't you
    guys? Ur fanfic writers, use you're imagination!!!!.
    I suggest you take your own advice before shoving it up our own asses.

    Your other "arguments" are quite pointless to argue against for half the time, I have no clue what the hell you're talking about.

    Try again. No, don't even try again. Go find a new forum to spam n00b.

    Reviewer # 3:
    AHAHAAHHA!!!

    Thats write boon! Fight for t3h n00b power! XD

    Reviewer # 4:
    Yay!

    ^ That was spam stupid. I?d advise listening to reviewer # 1. He knows all. ;)

    Reviewer # 3:
    AHAHAAHHA!!!

    No, this is spam! XDDDDDDD!!!!!

    Reviewer # 3:
    AHAHAAHHA!!!

    OMG reviewer # 2! Your so mean too boon! :( Leave him alone, this if hif first fic!!!

    Reviewer # 2:
    I pwn y0 as-

    That was both spam. Idiots. *stamps ?You?ve been spammed? on author?s story* If you can call this a story anyways. I?m surprised this hasn?t been locked up yet for being under the limit on a fanfic. Of course, you can?t even count this as a fanfic in this first place but just a plead of . . . er, annoyance.
    Reviewer # 3 said:
    OMG reviewer # 2! Your so mean too boon! :( Leave him alone, this if hif first fic!!!
    "This if hif first fic" huh? I did not know you could have a lisp when TYPING! *rolls eyes*

    Reviewer # 5:
    You know you wanna

    Please refrain from double posting reviewer # 3 and you, reviewer # 2, need a dire attitude adjustment.

    Reviewer # 2:
    I pwn y0 as-

    Reviewer # 5 said:
    Please refrain from double posting reviewer # 3 and you, reviewer # 2, need a dire attitude adjustment.
    Oh STFU you mini mod.

    Reviewer # 6:

    My oh my boon . . . I thought we talked about this. I beta-ed your fic, helped you with plot and spelling and you still use your first, unedited version. ::sigh::

    Please . . . listen to everyone (me included). We're only trying to help!

    Reviewer # 7:

    Dude, that was WAY too short! You need to put effort into a story if you want people to read. Improve the length and description and this might turn out okay I guess. Sorry if this review offended you. Work on your grammer too kay?

    Reviewer # 8:
    I'm so lonely...

    WTF IS THIS?! Dude, I don't care if your fanfic is crappy but you have no right to go and complain about OTHER people's fic. Sheesh. --;

    Reviewer # 9:
    XP XD XD >_>

    ;.; WHy are you being so mean to us reviewers that are trying 2 help u?!?!?!?!

    Reviewer # 10:
    #2's robot =D

    For starters, work on your grammar. Get a proofreader, use a spellchecker, anything! When placing commas, trying reading the sentence out loud and see if that works.

    Your description sucks t3h major monkey balls I must admit. Describe the character (yes, even hair and eye color ;) ), his/her settings, his/her Pok?mon and the works. We wanna see what's going on in your head too and believe it or not, not all fanfiction people want to use their imagination 24/7.

    Use common sense too. Would a beginning trainer really be able to obtain a legendary? Would a beginning trainer be able to wield its power? I think not. Use a Pok?mon that would fit Jessica's ability as a trainer like a Poochyena or a Swablu even.

    Keep working on it.

    Reviewer # 2:
    Booted out- Don't be like me!

    Reviewer # 10 said:
    Keep working on it ja?
    Don't encourage him, you'll only make things worse.

    Reviewer # 3:
    Booted out- Don't be like me!

    HAHA! You are the banned # 2.

    Reviewer # 5:
    You know you wanna

    So are you # 3. Mini mod my ***. Have a nice day! ^_^

    ------------------------------------------------

    Whee. ^_^ This is such a stereotypical chapter lol. Hope you enjoyed though. Not as funny but meh. Mind you that this is only a few type of reviewers. There are many more to come! ^_^

    Tell me any other styles of review if you know any ja?

    LaTeR dAyZ!
     
    Last edited:
  • 395
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Lol, I still like the humor better in chapter three, though *sighs at the deleted-ness. Ah well, you probably remember most of it anyway, and I practically memorized it o_O; Just as hilarious to read this twice! X3

    ~Chibi~
     

    Avegaille

    Misaka Mikoto > you.
  • 1,331
    Posts
    19
    Years
    ^Wow.... I'm so impressed! The reviewing thing chapter is simply what reviewers must see before they can review a certain fain fic.... *stops rant*

    >am I starting to become like you, Breezy?
     

    Breezy

    Eee.
  • 454
    Posts
    19
    Years
    I tried to make the story more realistic looking heh. ^_^; It's not as funny as the previous chapters . . . but meh. Enjoy!

    ---------------------

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 10
    To: Reviewer # 15, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2

    Hey guys! What's up? Heard that 14 and 15 took boon as one of their underlings- I mean "students". >=D I hope she is cooperating. You know how these little n00b-lets get sometimes (especially you reviewer # 2. You jumped on # 1's arse the first time you got one of his reviews XD).

    You don't control me by the way.

    Anyways, I'm sure all of us would like to hear about her . . . progress.

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 15
    To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2

    Oh geez 10, did you have to bring boon up? >> How come all we talk about are fanfics! Don't you care about my life anymore! ;.;

    Stubborn little moron that boon. Did you know that she is a he? o.0 He doesn't seem like it huh? Then again, 2 seemed like a real fruit too and he turned out to be an arrogant idiot. :)

    Well, we got him to replaced the legendaries with regular Pok?mon (of course Pikachu, Eevee, and ... something else that I can't recall, but it's most likely overused as well) so that's an improvement right? He refuses to change the character though except to make Jessica a Jesse instead. You know, a guy instead of girl. I told him that it's usually easier to write for a character that's your same age and gender (in my case anyways).

    He also wouldn't let us do our jobs. You know BETA a fic? All we could do is tell him the basics in grammar. =/ I'm so dreading him posting now.

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 14
    To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 15, Reviewer # 2

    What's that suppose to mean 15! Are you saying that girls write crappy their first time! Sexist pig! XP

    Widdle boony-kins should be posting another preview in his thread at the Authors Cafe. Have you noticed that only one person (# 11) has recommended him to read the Basic FAQ? :\ Ah well . . . The boy is going to tarnish our good name 15 if he doesn't get any better.

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 2
    To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 15

    And what good name would that be? :D Love ya too 14! *evil laugh*

    I don't know why you guys encourage the little twit. He is never going to listen to you. You know all hope is lost if he doesn't listen to the fic "celebs". *roll eyes*

    The boy is stupid . . .

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 15
    To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2

    Reviewer # 2 said:
    Love ya too 14!
    She's mine! Back off! *snatches his precious and runs*

    But yes, the boy is stupid . . . *hiss*

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 10
    To: Reviewer # 15, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2

    I like all this Harry Potter and LOTR mixture we've got going on here. Anyways, I just checked New Posts and his thread is updated. Everyone ready for this?

    Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
    From: Reviewer # 15
    To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2

    No ... REWIND TIME NOW!
    _____________

    boon
    cheeserz!!! XD

    Alrighty!!!!!!!!!!1 I gotted 3 count thme 3 betas for me fic so it shoujld be much better then b4!!!!!!!!!! yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    me hopes u likey. :( me b sad if u dont..

    Jesse Sycamore woke up with a start an alarm ringing in the distance as he slammed his fist on the clock shutting it up and practcaly shatttering it in to tiny peices but he did not care for today was the day he was gooing to become a opke'mon master!!!!!!! he was excitedno doubt in he
    was ready to beat n e 1 that dared stands in his way for he was the greatest,the bomb really.

    Throwing clothes, the 10 boy stared at himself in the mirror nodded in approoval
    at his pants, shirt, gloves, hat and messy hair that sits neatly on the head.

    "Crud, Im late arent i?" he questioned himself running towards his door only to trip at the stairs. *CRASH BOOM BASHH!!!!!* were the noises that fallowed as he rolled down the stairs landed at his mothers feet. "siorry mom, gotta go!!!" he shouted jumping on his feet and kissing his mom on the cheeck before running out the door and towards the lab. jesses mom only shook her head and continued to sweet the dusty floor with her broom,."professor, im here!!!!" he shouts, throwing up the glass doors. two other trainers stare at him and he slaps his forehead in disgust and dislike and disdain and other d words. "what r u 2 doing here?".

    there was a girl. she threw her hair over her shoulder and simpered sweatly at jesse. "just here to get our poke'mon" she remarsk, throwing her hair over her shoulder again. what was up with her? she has a lot of hair. "yeah!!!!!! the other boy said weakly "we so gonna kickage youre buttage!!!!!!" "buttage aint a word!!!!!" jesse shouted. "tell him dad!!!!"

    professor sycamore or jesses dad only grinned at the shouting ten olds. "what pojemon would
    you lke jesse ive got pikachu, eevee, and a munchlax?"

    "munchlax!!!!" shouted jessed, eagerly grasping at the balls that rests on the table in front of professor sycamore who hands it to him and he takes the ball with eager hands. "i wants munchlax!!!!!!" shouted the girl! "its mine ashleigh!!!!!!" remarked Jesse. "can i have pika-" boy was interruped by the two arguing ten year olds again.

    "I DO!!!"

    I DFO!!!!!!"


    ^_^ Mucho better right??!??!?!?!??!?!@?!?!@???# RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! OAKY THEN!!!!!! MY COMPUTER WONT GET OFF CAPS LOCKS. THAT SUCKS. IT DOES INDEED DOESNT IT. THANK YOU BETAS FOR HELPIND ME I APPRECIATE IT

    COMMENTS NO CRITSIZM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 >< ILL SICK MY ;309; ELECTRIKE ON YOU IF U DO!!!!!!!!!!!11

    ill give up if u do... =(
    _____________

    Reviewer # 10
    # 2's Robot =D

    Well . . . You did improve I suppose boon. You still lack in description, you still don't know how to space, you still have seemingly Gary-Stus and your overusage of exclamation points just burns my eyes.

    But you did improve on grammar and spelling, I'll give you that. ^_^ Now all we got to do is teach you what commas are and we'll be all set in basics pretty much. Joy.

    Characters . . . well, at least they don't get legendaries anymore though, I hear that Munchlax are pretty rare. But then again, since Pok?mon merchadising is making so many times of the thing, it's most likely that some will assume that Munchlax are common. :rolleyes:

    New paragraphs begin when different subjects and characters begin mind you. Description isn't the greatest either. Keep working on it. I'll let someone else nail down other things too. :D
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Better my ass. I'd expect better of you 15. You used to shove your beta version of people's fics down their throat and now you're becoming . . . nice. o0 The horror man, the horror!

    Apparently, Jesse is a ranter since there are no pauses in your fic. >> Actually, apparently Jesse is naked since you said he threw clothes and not he threw on clothes. Ew, he's nakey!

    Gah, go become a Spriter and bug their side of the forum huh? God only know how many spriters we have anyways...
    _____________

    Reviewer # 5
    You know you wanna

    You improved greatly from your first try boon I must admit. Though, you've got a long ways to go. Basically, # 10 summed up all you have to work on. Don't give up if people try to help you though. I know of another author who was just like you boon (except perhaps in attitude). He was a rather proud boy who refused to listen to the good advice of the reviewers. You know what happened to him?

    He got a bad attitude. :D
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Reviewer # 5 said:
    I know of another author who was just like you boon (except perhaps in attitude). He was a rather proud boy who refused to listen to the good advice of the reviewers. You know what happened to him?

    He got a bad attitude. :D
    I know! Can you believe 15 back then! Gah, what was shoved up his ass back then? :)
    _____________

    Reviewer # 14
    You have cooties

    In all honesty boon, you would of been better off using 15's version of your fic. He didn't change anything, he just tidied up the grammar and typos a bit.

    I'm more concerned for your plot though now. Are we just planning a regular trainer fics, you refused to tell us in our PMs. Regular trainers fics are a big no no here at SPPf for we have hundreds here already. Think about all of them at ff.net. o0 *shudders at the thought*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 15
    Monkey balls?!

    . . . . How do I put this kid?

    BETAS ARE MEANT TO PROOFREAD AND GET RID OF YOUR ERRORS!!!!!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REPEAT THIS!! Over and over and over and . . . gah! *heart explodes*

    Least the major uber Gary-Stus are gone.

    Reviewer # 2 said:
    Reviewer # 5 said:
    I know of another author who was just like you boon (except perhaps in attitude). He was a rather proud boy who refused to listen to the good advice of the reviewers. You know what happened to him?

    He got a bad attitude. :D
    I know! Can you believe 15 back then! Gah, what was shoved up his ass back then? :)
    Oh yes, I am such an asshole aren't I 2? *roll eyes*

    Anyways, you heard me boon. 14 and I can really help you tidy up your fic for less errors.

    But this version of your own . . .

    *dies*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Reviewer # 15 said:
    Least the major uber Gary-Stus are gone.
    Which is the only good thing I might add. What? Reviewer # 2 saying something kinda nice? Now that's horrific. :D

    Yes! He died! Come now reviewer # 14! You belong to me now! *sweep you off and runs*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 17
    Booted Out - Don't be like me!

    Absol: this sux.

    it does. cant believe that someone would write this peice of ****!!! this sux monkeys ill tell ya, monkeys!! it ****ing sucks it worst than **** it comes out of # 2s ***, its yucky i say yucky go ****ing die in a hole you ******* cuz no ones cares if yuoc come back or not ****it so go and piss peple off with this crapp **** cuz it sucks!!!!!!!!! go to hell *****!!!!

    ABsol: dfamn right!!!
    _____________

    Reviewer # 10
    #2's robot =D

    Hey # 17! Don't you have any manners or respect? Because I certainly think you don't. Don't you know it is very rude to flame an author or a member period?

    At least try to put a comment in the preview. Sheesh.

    *reports*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 5
    You know you wanna

    I think you could use a little time out 17. *bans*

    Don't listen to him boon. If he doesn't have decent grammar then you shouldn't listen to him. Heck, if he disrespect you, then his comments are probably not worth reading anyways.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 18
    FJKDSL:

    Not bad boon! I'm proud of you for creating such a brilliant masterpiece! It's wonderful, astounding really! Jesse, Ashleigh, boy . . . Brilliantly developed! I must say I love your plot, and I disagree with you 14, I think his plot is well thought out and clearly original.

    Thumbs up boon, thumbs up.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 10
    #2's robot =D

    No offence # 18 but I'm rather diappointed in you. I've read your fic I must say, it was pretty good, but encouraging boon's flaws? You and I both know that words like "outstanding" are words that shouldn't describe this fic just yet. =/
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Look at her sig 10, she's paired up with him. No wonder she's kissing up. Speaking of kissing ... *looks at 14*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 14
    You have cooties

    *slaps # 2 and points at user title* That's referring to you! ;.; Save me 15, sweetie!
    _____________

    Reviewer # 15
    Monkey balls?!

    Back off # 2! *draws sword and smirks* You wanna dance amigo?
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as

    Reviewer # 15 said:
    Back off # 2! *draws sword and smirks* You wanna dance amigo?
    You want to dance amigo? WTF is that? HOw about you wanna box bitch? :D

    On topic: This is a comma ",". We use it when we want to pause in sentences. USE THEM!
    _____________

    Reviewer # 19
    Boulder Trainer

    Marshtomps have big heads.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Reviewer # 19 said:
    Marshtomps have big heads.
    How thought provoking.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 20
    Secrets Untold

    Reviewer # 19 said:
    Marshtomps have big heads.
    So does # 2. ;)

    I've been told by # 10, 11, 14, 15, and countless others to check out this thread and offer my advice.

    Most of you summed it all up though so my advice is rather useless. I must say though, there are no limits to your imagination. Weave magic as I like to call it. The world is at your fingertips.

    I do recommend that you use the beta'd copy by 15. He's a master at catching easy mistakes like yours boon.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    All bow your heads! The legendary # 20 is here! *kisses her feet*

    My head is not big. :(
    _____________

    Reviewer # 10
    #2's robot =D

    *curtsies to # 20* Mod kiss-up # 2! XD You know, I still do wonder why # 5 or # 20 refuse to close this. I suppose it brings the entire fanfic community together or something. Or perhaps it's a spammy version of Advice for Aspiring Authors.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 15
    Monkey balls?!

    *shieths sword and bows* XP I know how much you love being treated like royalty # 20![/sarcasm]

    Yeah, I do wonder why this thread is STILL open. But hey, whatever. Thanks for supporting me guys and trying to convince boon to use my copy (of course, he still won't take it though).

    *dies again that 20 mentioned him in all her glory*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 21
    HI!

    What the-?!?!?!?!? Whats this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ITS ME! MARIO!!!!! XD Psycho!!!!! just # 3 again! You cant catch me, you cant catch me *sticks out tongue*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 6
    ^_^

    My beta version is fine as well. >> 14 and 15 aren't the only ones beta-ing boon's fic you know.

    *grumbles that she's overshadowed by fic celebs*
    _____________

    Reviewer # 5
    You know you wanna

    WILL YOU STOP! *bans # 3/16/432483920583490 again*

    Sheesh. >>
    _____________

    Reviewer # 14
    You have cooties

    We don't mean to overshadow you 6 heh. ^_^;
    _____________

    Reviewer # 22
    Trainer

    Let's start from the beginning. . .
    boon said:
    Jesse Sycamore woke up with a start an alarm ringing in the distance as he slammed his fist on the clock shutting it up and practcaly shatttering it in to tiny peices but he did not care for today was the day he was gooing to become a opke'mon master!!!!!!!
    That's a complete run-on without the right punctuation. Like countless above me, commas are the key to fixing them. Watch out for those typos. Listen to # 15 and 14 (and 6 ;) ) or use a spellchecker to catch them.
    boon said:
    Throwing clothes, the 10 boy stared at himself in the mirror nodded in approoval
    at his pants, shirt, gloves, hat and messy hair that sits neatly on the head.
    Here, you're saying that he threw clothes but didn't put them on, so like 2 said, he's naked. o.0 And this messy hair might not even be on his head since you said "the head" and not "his head".
    boon said:
    "Crud, Im late arent i?" he questioned himself running towards his door only to trip at the stairs. *CRASH BOOM BASHH!!!!!* were the noises that fallowed as he rolled down the stairs landed at his mothers feet. "siorry mom, gotta go!!!" he shouted jumping on his feet and kissing his mom on the cheeck before running out the door and towards the lab.
    Onomatopoeia doesn't need asterisks. Just type it. You can bold it and put it in a new paragraph for effect though I suppose. How come Jesse's mother isn't the professor anymore? Hell, how come Jessica turned into a Jesse?
    boon said:
    there was a girl. she threw her hair over her shoulder and simpered sweatly at jesse. "just here to get our poke'mon" she remarsk, throwing her hair over her shoulder again. what was up with her? she has a lot of hair.
    There was a girl huh? Clear indication that you need to describe describe describe! Never write Pok?mon as Poke'mon because it looks terrble. Pokemon is fine if you can't make the ?.

    Listen to everyone's advice and read Basic FAQ while you're at it.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 4
    HIYA!

    Listen to reviewer # 22. He knows all. ;)

    stop the flames. Stop the spam. stop the hatred.

    Stop it all.

    Edit: Yes! I got a rep point for my 100th post
    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    Oh, so is that why you keep saying "Listen to [insert reviewer here]" huh? Post rank! =O Ebil! *unshieths sword* Shall we # 15? Or wait, you died huh? *grins at 14 sheepishly* So you wanna go out sometime? :D
    _____________

    Reviewer # 14
    You got cooties

    *looks at the dead body of 15 and sighs* Sure # 2! *glares at 15* I'll go out with you!

    On topic: boon, who is afraid to visit his own thread now sadly, PMed, saying that he listened to all your advice but he wishes to use his own and develop on his own. He says that's what # 20 and # 2 did so he wishes to do that as well.

    Poor kid. Doesn't he know that I beta'd # 2? =P
    _____________

    Reviewer # 24
    Fwee!

    You rule boon! This preview rocks! I can't wait to see the real version one day! Yay for that day! Have a Magby!
    an lettter off compaint!!!
    :D and these too!
    an lettter off compaint!!!
    an lettter off compaint!!!
    an lettter off compaint!!!
    an lettter off compaint!!!

    _____________

    Reviewer # 2
    I pwn y0 as-

    -.-; What's with n00bs and smilies? I don't understand this concept.
    _____________

    Reviewer # 5
    You know you wanna

    It's a question that shall always remain unanswered # 2 . . .

    ---------------------
    Yes, I know, a few "green" forum inside jokes, but meh. :P Who's reading this anyways lol?

    LaTeR dAyZ!
     
    Last edited:

    Avegaille

    Misaka Mikoto > you.
  • 1,331
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Breezy, this is one long fan fic?! But anyways, I'm glad you're working on this again! I'm soooo happy! I promise to read it soon! XP
     

    Shuko

    Atena, WIN!
  • 594
    Posts
    19
    Years
    This must be a testament to the true essence of a writer, because I honestly believed that your fic was not a fic, and was in fact a true rant from a poor, misguided n00b!!! XD The realism was so convincing, in fact, that after reading the first half of it, I was trying to decide whether to chastize the misguided teen for flaming her critics, or to try to comfort her and hint that ranting and raving might not be the best way to voice her opinion. 9_9 I feel so emotionally used right now, lol!

    Great job on your fic! You made me feel and think things that no ordinary fic could have done. And even though I'm kind of bewildered and deflated right now, I like it when fics involve me like that. I hope that any and all newbies that read it aren't offended, and can laugh at the absurdity along with the rest of us. :laugh:
     

    Abskull

    Link's Huggle Thing!^.^
  • 697
    Posts
    19
    Years
    At first, when I saw the title, I said to myself,

    "Oh my god. Not another nOOb writer. Holy meep! That's Breezy!"

    So I looked, and laughed. You're truly brilliant Breezy. I hope to see more of this! Along with you, I hate illiterate people, too.
     

    Yamato-san

    Banned
  • 446
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Age 37
    • Seen Feb 15, 2012
    Shuko's right, it does seem very realistic. You even got character development down right, since it seemed as though #2 matured a slight bit since that whole mini-mod skirmish.
     

    emeraldslay

    Obsessed with Mew/writing
  • 400
    Posts
    20
    Years
    • Age 31
    • Seen Aug 3, 2008
    LOL, this will probably sound like a n00b-ish question, but what are the betas and all that?
     
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